Sarcasm: A Foreign Language

The sarcasm.  It likes me and I like it back.  Normally, I can get a good feel for people and whether they can appreciate my sense of humor.  Very few people can handle the blackest of my humor, so jokes about my dead father I can pretty much only tell to my little sister.  But most people are sufficiently equipped for a basic level of sarcasm.  Right?  Um, maybe not….

 

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Situation 1
Location: Office IM conversation
Participant: Co-worker/friend
Conversation topic: Volleyball. (He played in college and offers tips for Allie.)

Co-worker/friend:  You really need accurate setters or no one will ever get to hit the ball.

Me:  They haven’t really mastered hitting yet. Half the time they swing and miss, but Allie’s getting much better.

Co-worker/friend:  Well, as long as they’re having fun and learning to not be afraid of the ball.

Me:  Yeah, I thrown the ball at Allie’s face for 15 minutes every night to make sure she’s not scared.  If she flinches or cries, then I make her do 50 push ups.

Co-worker/friend:  Well, I guess that’s one way of doing it…

Me:  That’s what her therapist said.

 

 

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Situation 2
Location: Conference Room at BP
Participants: Two new hires in our department
Conversation topic: Office procedures

Co-worker 1:  So on Fridays we only work 8 hours instead of 9?

Me:  Yep. So you can either shorten your typical schedule by one hour, or actually take a lunch.  Oh, and dress code on Fridays…

Co-worker 2:  Casual Fridays?

Me:  No, we actually have Formal Fridays.

Co-worker 2:  Wait, what?

Me:  Yeah, we tried casual Fridays for awhile, but people started taking it too far, with cutoffs and flip flops and such.  So now we do formal Fridays.  

Co-worker 2:  Ummmm…

Co-worker 1:  Are you by any chance messing with us? 

Me:  No, seriously.  Sequins or cocktail attire for the ladies.  Black tie for the gentlemen.  If you don’t own a tux, talk to the office assistant.  She’ll let you know which shops offer BP discount and then you can expense it.

Co-worker 2:  *blank stare*

Me:  It’s actually quite fun!  And since we only work every other Friday, it brings a sense of occasion to the proceedings.

Co-worker 1:  I’m pretty sure she’s messing with us.

 

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Situation 3
Location: BP Cafeteria
Participant: Former co-worker who had come back for a visit
Conversation topic: My weight loss

Former co-worker:  Hey!  How’s it going?  Have you lost weight?

Me:  I have actually!

Former co-worker:  Like, a lot of weight?

Me:  I’m not sure.  Maybe 20ish pounds?

Former co-worker:  You look great.  How did you do it?

Me:  Eh, mostly amphetamines and nicotine.  

Former co-worker:  Um, well… okay.

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Sarcasm: A Foreign Language

  1. Please add to this list the time you relayed to the analysts that I was recovering from my sex change operation! *I* thought it was hilarious, but I think you scared a couple former frat boys…

  2. It makes me happy when I see that you have a new post here. Really. I’m not even being sarcastic, though I am quite capable.

  3. It makes me happy when I see that you have a new post here. Really. I’m not even being sarcastic, though I am quite capable.

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