The sarcasm. It likes me and I like it back. Normally, I can get a good feel for people and whether they can appreciate my sense of humor. Very few people can handle the blackest of my humor, so jokes about my dead father I can pretty much only tell to my little sister. But most people are sufficiently equipped for a basic level of sarcasm. Right? Um, maybe not….
Location: Office IM conversation
Conversation topic: Volleyball. (He played in college and offers tips for Allie.)
Co-worker/friend: You really need accurate setters or no one will ever get to hit the ball.
Me: They haven’t really mastered hitting yet. Half the time they swing and miss, but Allie’s getting much better.
Co-worker/friend: Well, as long as they’re having fun and learning to not be afraid of the ball.
Me: Yeah, I thrown the ball at Allie’s face for 15 minutes every night to make sure she’s not scared. If she flinches or cries, then I make her do 50 push ups.
Co-worker/friend: Well, I guess that’s one way of doing it…
Me: That’s what her therapist said.
Location: Conference Room at BP
Participants: Two new hires in our department
Conversation topic: Office procedures
Co-worker 1: So on Fridays we only work 8 hours instead of 9?
Me: Yep. So you can either shorten your typical schedule by one hour, or actually take a lunch. Oh, and dress code on Fridays…
Co-worker 2: Casual Fridays?
Me: No, we actually have Formal Fridays.
Co-worker 2: Wait, what?
Me: Yeah, we tried casual Fridays for awhile, but people started taking it too far, with cutoffs and flip flops and such. So now we do formal Fridays.
Co-worker 2: Ummmm…
Co-worker 1: Are you by any chance messing with us?
Me: No, seriously. Sequins or cocktail attire for the ladies. Black tie for the gentlemen. If you don’t own a tux, talk to the office assistant. She’ll let you know which shops offer BP discount and then you can expense it.
Co-worker 2: *blank stare*
Me: It’s actually quite fun! And since we only work every other Friday, it brings a sense of occasion to the proceedings.
Co-worker 1: I’m pretty sure she’s messing with us.
Location: BP Cafeteria
Participant: Former co-worker who had come back for a visit
Conversation topic: My weight loss
Former co-worker: Hey! How’s it going? Have you lost weight?
Me: I have actually!
Former co-worker: Like, a lot of weight?
Me: I’m not sure. Maybe 20ish pounds?
Former co-worker: You look great. How did you do it?
Me: Eh, mostly amphetamines and nicotine.
Former co-worker: Um, well… okay.